Personal Pocket Organism

The Q Science Marketing Team, in a sneaky effort to make big bucks while pleasing our sponsors, asked for your personal requests about what abilities we should build into our Personal Pocket Organism (due out next year). Based on your survey, the following requests will receive serious consideration:

get me home from work quicker
tell me things I don't want to hear
calculate the square root of 11 (which is 3.31..., by the way)
personal pocket orgasms
taking surveys
something to do with sex
groom me
generate heat
make sandwiches
rearrange the crotch of my pants
tell me when I’m lying
be a furry oracle
sort out my bills
sort out my children
shoot up a propeller and fly me somewhere fun
nudge me before I say something stupid
pinch me at appropriate moments
bake a good veggie lasagna
reformulate negative emotions into masterstrokes
tickle me or tell me a joke
remind me
reproduce
provide food and H20 when necessary
be funny to look at
love me
provide sympathy
eschew things, embrace other things
produce cola on demand
EVERYFUCKINGTHING

One request, in particular, intrigued the Q Science Team:
Pinch me when I'm dreaming.* Hmm.
However, a majority of requests had to do with Lint. So, we are proud and excited to announce that the prototype Personal Pocket Organism will have the ability to:

eat lint
collect lint
metabolize lint
and/or
remove lint from anything

WATCH FOR IT!